Interview with The Dark Lord

He is vile, despicable and ruthless. He is considered, “The Most Evil Wizard for Hundreds and Hundreds of Years.” He is a sadistic psychopath who is devoid of pity and remorse. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, “You Know Who” he is. Let us all give a warm welcome to the almighty Dark Lord on tonight’s episode of, “Interviewers extraordinaire.”
*Audience applause and a few shouts of terrified people as The Dark Lord makes a bold imposing entrance dressed in his typical jet black robes.*
Dark Lord: AVADA KEDAVRA!
*Flash of green light and soon after a limp lifeless body is rushed out of the eerily silent studio. The lord looks at the camera, seats himself and smiles with a sense of hospitable hostility.*

Interviewer: First things first, may I address you by your true name without having to face the prospect of certain death?
Dark Lord: If that helps me get home any faster and and get back to plotting against Potter, then sure.

Interviewer: Very well then, Good evening Voldemort Sir. As you have such a busy schedule, we might as well begin right away.
Voldemort: Shoot then. Please, however, do not try to agitate me.

I: So how does it feel to be among the most hated wizards of all time?
V: It does not please me in the least. All I wish for is a unified world order where all bow down to a common supreme authority. Namely, me.

I: Hmmm. That seems like an interesting governance process. We wish you luck in your ventures. So moving on, Would you let us know about your childhood?
V: Please, I do not like to touch upon this particular story. However, those interested may buy my autobiography, which is sold under less than fair terms at all major bookstores at a very reasonably exorbitant price.

I: Publishing your memoirs is a great initiative to reach out to the few supporters and admirers that you possess. Who is your idol?
V: Hitler of course, he was an intelligent, cunning megalomaniac just like myself.

I: What is your greatest fear?
V: Rainbows.

I: What is the greatest work of nature?
V: me. Well they could have given me better looks and a nose. I would’ve been perfect then.

I: What is your favourite book?
V: Nicci French’s Killing me softly.

I: What are your religious beliefs?
V: I have already touched upon this subject. I am the supreme authority.

I: What is your deepest desire?
V: World peace.

I: What?!
V: Yes. I wish to be all powerful and eliminate all those noble enough to stand in my path to immortality and revolt against me. Simple yet efficient.

I: Are you annoyed by the fact that Osama tipped you in the most wanted criminals chart?
V: Are you really naive enough to imagine that you muggles were able to locate and neutralize him all by yourselves?

I: How do you spend the average day?
V: I wake up to some piping hot coffee, read the newspapers and laugh maniacally at the depravity of the world. Then of course my favourite pastime is plotting against “The Boy Who Lived.” There is also the more than frequent killing and torturing of innocents.

I: Very eventful a life you lead Sir. How does it feel to have your deeply thought out plans constantly thwarted by a less than competent young wizard, time and time again?
V: I just decided to grant you a wish.
I: You don’t say? Thank you so much Sire.
V: A death wish. AVADA KEDAVRA!!

*Second flash of green light in the still silent studio. The Lord bows down gracefully and walks off with an air of uncaring, untouchable and terrifying innocence. Audience quietly exits after.*

This work is purely imaginative, based on characters and ideas from the works of J.K. Rowling and is not intended to infringe any copyrights/patents.